hhhmmm....

I feel so lost and so confused... My whole life up until this point I have been a firm believer that I need to be a stay at home mom. And now we are being forced to question that decision. We have talked about it several times and its never been a real serious talk for either of us more of a excitement of what we could use the extra money for, and today it was REAL! The prison keeps cutting our pay. First it was a furlough every month, then a raise in insurance, then a 2.5% cut, and now furlough every other month cutting back on shift differential and possible raise in insurance. (Not to mention my babysitting job is unstable because by friends job ended so she substitutes now.) I keep trying to have faith and to think it will work out, but I feel like the odds are against us. I feel like as soon as we get stabilized something happens to ruin it. Like we had to get a new car, larger car payment then I cut Emma's finger so we have an ER bill, the our washer breaks well we don't have savings so we have a washer payment.... SO as our bills go up our income goes down. I am sooo discouraged right now and all I can think is where can I work and what will work with my schedule so Jason can be home with our kids. I hate this feeling and the feeling of even if I have a job will it be enough and worth it?
 I so wish I had that magic answer book! Hopefully we will be able to figure out an answer soon...